The Real Me

Ok, so I've been 'blogging' for a few weeks now - the 'new' has worn off. At first I found that it was difficult to 'get away' from the blogs I had been involved in. Now, almost a month later, I have trouble checking my own blog. Isn't that the way with 'stuff'? Whether it is intellectual stimulation (blogs), erotic stimulation (pornography), physical stimulation (new golf clubs), or emotional stimulation (self-help philosophies), they all provide us with that initial euphoria - that adrenaline rush - but later leave us wanting more and more. They are unfulfilling.
It's a bit of a crock, however, to say that Christ fills the void. I REALLY, HONESTLY wish that was the case. I wish that my lusts - be them emotional, physical, or intellectual - subsided after I became a Christian. I truly wish that 'being high on Christ' was all that it is cracked up to be (no pun intended). But it's not. I still have to daily - wait - hourly, struggle with my selfish nature. There is no such thing as being 'high on Christ' - at least not in my Christian experience. Maybe I just don't have as much of Christ as some other people do. I can say, however, that coming to grips with the fact that I will ALWAYS have this depraved nature within me struggling to gain control is liberating. Remember what Paul said at the end of Rom. 7? 'Oh wretched man that I am; Who will deliver me from this body of death?' I don't think those were words he was just 'penning' to make a point. I honestly think that passage was a bitter soul-cry from Paul - you know, the shaking fists and beating chest kind of cry. But then look at the next statement: 'but thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord.' Here he is bitterly struggling with his own sinful nature - and he ends the passage with praise and thanksgiving to God. Why???? It's because of who he is in Christ. You see, as long as we focus on being 'spiritual', all we are doing is displaying a facade for all the rest of the facade-displayers to see. If enough of us walk around wearing this facade, we can corporately bury our heads in the sand and pretend that all is well in Christendom. But this charade only works if we all agree to pretend like everything's great. The minute even one of us pulls the mask off so that those areound can see how grotesque the 'real' me is, the house of cards falls. Why does it fall? Because it reminds all of the rest of us that we are no more attractive than that one who has just bared the real self to us. We are all - by nature - fallen, grotesque creatures - and no amount of primping and acting and masking can cover that up. The reason we 'corporately' agree to be 'masked' is that it takes MUCH less effort to pretend that others are ok than it does to REALLY care about the other person. I can get through life pretty easily if you'll just agree to pretend like life is good. The minute you start letting me in on what's really going on, though, - well - then I have to be 'real' too. And not only that, I have to make a choice whether I'm going to love the real you - you know, the 'acting' kind of love, or whether I'm just going to leave you in the ditch to die - and we can't do that because the Good Samaritan would never allow it.
But what if we corporately came to grips with who we REALLY are - and who we REALLY are in Christ? What if we accepted the fact that I am depraved - and you are depraved - and we all are depraved? That's the kind of environment that true fellowship can blossom. That's why Paul praised and thanked God. Not that he was depraved - but that he understood the cost that had been paid for his depravity. That because of what Christ had accomplished, he could now experience true love - both from Christ through Himself as well as through others. What will it take for church to be a place of fellowship - you know - where I know your weaknesses, needs, desires - and you know mine - and we all struggle together. Is it possible to have fellowship like that? I don't know, but I'd sure like a taste.

Grace and peace,


Post Tinebrae Lux