My Journey

Where to begin? Well, I was raised in a Southern Baptist environment and was indoctrinated into the SB way of thought. This included dispensationalism, "choice" salvation, deacon-led church leadership, the evil of rock music, alcohol prohibition, etc., etc. It's still amazing to me how much of mans' indoctrination we blindly accept as Truth. Thanks be to God, however, that He has allowed me a mind with which to ponder, a conscience with which to see, and infinitely most importantly, His Word with which to guide me. When I was in my very early thirties I began a journey of extensive personal transformation. This was due, in large part to emotional, physical, and spiritual trials I was going through. During the early part of this journey, I noticed that the "just pray to God and everything will be all right" mentality just didn't work. I was beginning to see that God wasn't really concerned with making sure all good Baptists had nice clothes to wear, children who were well-behaved, pot-luck dinners where no dishes contained broccolli, and the like. Life wasn't the "bowl of cherries" (to use a worn out cliche) that it should have been. I mean, I went to church, I studied my Bible, I prayed often - and God still didn't care (or at least that's how I saw it). What was wrong with this God who "loved good little boys and girls"? Why was He allowing this hell in my life? Didn't He know that I was on my way to becoming a deacon? Didn't He know that if people saw how messed up things were that my witness wouldn't be as strong? Didn't He know that the lost world needed to see someone who "had it together" in order to convince them that they needed to be saved?
That's when I truly started to question what it was that I believed and why I believed it. I praise God that, through all the "stuff", my belief that His Word was Truth never waivered. Through all the storms, I trusted His Word as my lighthouse. Only that lighthouse started pointing me in directions I didn't want to go. I started to become aware that the God of the Bible wasn't fitting into my box any more. I began to see that He was above my preconceptions. He wasn't interested at all in me looking like a "good Christian" - He was interested in me looking like Christ. And through that, I began to really see what Christ looked like. He didn't have 2.2 kids and a loving, doting wife. He didn't have a blue pinstripe suit to wear to church. He wasn't a deacon in good standing. He didn't drive a Suburban. He was a homeless, often hungry, always relentless, passionate man who railed against the establishment and loved with all that was in Him. I think if Christ would have been born in the 1950's, then he'd have made a great hippie in the 1960's (please-I mean no disrespect to Christ and He knows that). I mean, look at Him - he went around breaking the "church" rules, teaching the masses that the church had the rules all screwed up (Mat. 5), leading poor, dumb souls astray (at least in the establishment's eyes), starting revolutions, and, in effect, spitting in the face of the establishment. Can you imagine how He'd be treated today if He did that kind of stuff? The main difference between Him and the hippies is that His was righteous behaviour and the hippies' often was not.
I began to see that the God I'd been led to believe in was nothing more than an idol. This wasn't the real God - the real God was (is) MUCH more awesome, frightening, and powerful than the one I believed in. The God I began to see in the Bible was the Creator of ALL, the sustainer of ALL, and the destroyer of all that He chooses to destroy. You see, I began to understand that man wasn't nearly as strong as I had made him out to be. In fact, I think that's one of the most significant issues with those who adhere to a "choice" salvation position - they exalt man above what he really is. All my trials, all the hell I was going through, death, life, sickness, health, prosperity, poverty - it was all because of God. God is responsible for ALL of it. And you know what the intriguing thing is - this didn't make me angry at God - it gave me a peace that I cannot explain. For the first time in my life, it wasn't about me - it was about God. And because I still held fast to His Word, I was finally at peace with my surroundings. You see, He really does cause ALL things to work together for those who love Him, to those who are THE called - not because of the called, but because it brings Him glory to do so. The trials aren't there because He fell asleep, or isn't paying attention, or isn't able to stop them - the trials are there to make me more like Christ and that brings Him glory. I CAN'T bring Him glory - only Christ through me. When we begin to see man for who he really is, clay in the Potter's hand (Rom. 9), we REALLY begin to live. The freedom Christ talked about in John 8 - that's what we begin to experience. I'm free from trying to get others to approve of my actions. I'm free from trying to earn God's favor. I'm free from the bondage of the "doctrines of man". And that freedom comes not from anything I've done - but from God Himself. My only obligation is to become like Christ - when I do that, all those do's and dont's become irrelevant. If I truly reflect Christ in all that I do, I don't have to worry about keeping the rules - I'll already be doing it. And you know what else? God is now, always has been, and always will be in complete and utter control of all that happens.

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